A B O U T M E
I choose to be worth it.
I didn’t understand anything about this world, about my place on this earth..
It didn’t match how I saw and felt it.
How people around me behaved.
How they reacted to each other,
to oneself,
and me.
I don’t fit here.
I don’t belong here.
I’m crazy because nobody understands me.
I cannot make myself understood.
I never do well enough.
I’m not worth being here.
Conclusions that I finally
have drawn in the deepest of my cells.
With this set of beliefs in me, my life went on.
With enough people in my life who wanted to play the game,
I was therefore quite confirmed,
not being good enough.
I had to do something about it.
A fighting spirit arose.
I’m going to be the best.
I want to belong
I want to be seen.
It was hard work.
I found the solution:
to adjust!
To be a chameleon.
Extremely refined,
in every situation.
A handy tool, because I always saw exactly what
the other needed.
If you were a teacher, I made sure I was the student you could be a teacher for.
If you were angry, I made sure I was someone to be angry with.
If you wanted to be a leader, I would make myself small, and you could tell me how to do it.
And yet…it was never good enough!
Somewhere deep inside, I knew there had to be another way.
That I could be free
I didn’t have to adjust anymore.
That not everyone feels and sees how I see it.
That I’m not crazy.
That I could make powerful choices for ME.
Step by step, more self-love came in.
With this self-love, I could choose more and more me.
It’s special how much power there is in self-love
with just the intention.
I could feel love for parts of me.
My frightened child, my rebellious teenager, and my hard-working,
young adult,
always looking for recognition.
Complete structures and safety mechanisms built in
that I could see now,
that I could say goodbye to.
I recognized the structures and connections
I see in others.
My sensitivity in it.
Feeling and working with energy.
I forgave myself for making that wrong.
I forgave others for being who they are and for what I felt they did to me.
I thanked them for the experience.
And chose not to join.
